Valentine’s Day Dread: Three Ways to Survive Valentine’s Day After Betrayal Trauma
Being in a heartbreak hotel for Valentine's Day sucks!
The hustle and bustle of the winter holidays have not allowed us to breathe, and the stores have already put out Valentine's Day balloons, decor, and candy. Reminders. Triggers. Tears.
Sigh.
Not everyone is delighted about Valentine's Day. No this isn’t an Anti-Valentine’s Day blog post, but the truth is some people are reminded of their heartache, loneliness, and betrayal on this day. Life after Intimate Betrayal is a force to be reckoned with. To notice the red hearts while your heart is broken can bring up the memories of lost love. The holidays after experiencing betrayal trauma, cheating, or even emotional affair can bring about unexpected triggers and grief. You didn't expect this experience to cloud your favorite holiday- Valentine's Day. Is it even your favorite holiday after a love loss?
It's crucial to understand betrayal trauma and its impact, as well as ways to heal and recreate the meaning of Valentine's Day.
Betrayal can come in many forms, but the specific betrayal I will discuss in this post is intimate betrayal experienced as betrayal trauma. Betrayal trauma occurs when a partner has discovered that their partner has chosen to have multiple affairs and infidelity or engage in problematic sexual behaviors (as defined by the couple.) This kind of betrayal is so jarring because of the intimate and sexual nature of the betrayal when there was the context of monogamy or a specific understanding of the sexual nature of their relationship.
So you’re left with headache and heartache on this holiday that’s meant to celebrate love but is proving to only invite negative intrusive thoughts of the person who pain.
All is not lost.
There are a few ways to process the grief and healing of intimate betrayal or betrayal trauma.
Accept that context Matters
First, remember the landscape or the context of your life. You have just experienced a trauma and had your life turned upside down. Self-validation and self-compassion are vital today. These components can help with acceptance of your reality and your continuing to move towards acceptance aids in the healing process. This healing process is multi-layered, and it may be necessary to seek professional support.
Create a new tradition.
Although it may be challenging to see, the approaching of and the experience of Valentine's Day can provide an opportunity to create a new tradition to practice self-care or what I call soul nourishment. Finding ways to nourish or nurture yourself can give comfort and appreciation to the self. Think of things you enjoy or bring a smile to your face; these things can be as simple as going outside and feeling the wind on your skin or as big as taking a vacation. There’s no right or wrong way to create new traditions, just as long as you start.
Enjoy feel-good simple joys.
Finding simple things in your environment that are comforting is definitely more sustainable. Some ideas include candles, baths/showers, phone calls to a beloved friend, naps, journaling, and keeping hydrated. If you’re in a warmer climate, start gardening early to prepare for Spring, or cuddle up with a cup of hot chocolate and a book if you live in colder weather. If you have a pet, do these activities with your non-human buddies!
Betrayal trauma recovery can be a challenging and emotional process. It's essential to have support and resources available to help you along the way. Various things can assist you in your healing journey, such as practicing self-care, seeking professional help, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and peace. By taking care of yourself and addressing your emotional needs, you can gradually restore trust in yourself and your ability to betrayal trauma. On this Valentine’s Day, remember that healing is a process that takes time and effort; with the right tools, you can come out strong and resilient on the other side.
